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The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more perplexing – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Zoomers, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive glossary to the terms this generation is using to talk about love, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most viral memes, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people bond while handling tasks, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who opt out of parenthood to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks suggesting a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that instantly shut down any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {